Danske citater:

• At være fader er at foregive, at den gave, du elsker mest, er sæbe-pÃ¥-en-snor.
• Et ord til den kloge er unødvendigt - det er de dumme, der behøver rÃ¥d.
• GrÃ¥t hÃ¥r er Guds graffiti.
• Lad os nu fremsætte en af de grundlæggende sandheder om ægteskabet: hustruen bestemmer.
• Menesket er den eneste dyr pÃ¥ jorden, som tillader deres børn at vende tilbage til hjemmet.

Engelske citater:

• A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice.
• Advertising is the most fun you can have with your clothes on.
• Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.
• Children today know more about sex than I or my father did.
• Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.
• Gray hair is God's graffiti.
• Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home.
• I am certainly not an authority on love because there are no authorities on love, just those who've had luck with it and those who haven't.
• I am not the boss of my house. I don't know how I lost it. I don't know when I lost it. I don't think I ever had it. But I've seen the boss's job and I don't want it.
• I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.
• I wasn't always black... There was this freckle, and it got bigger and bigger.
• If the new American father feels bewildered and even defeated, let him take comfort from the fact that whatever he does in any fathering situation has a fifty percent chance of being right.
• In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure.
• Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge.
• Like everyone else who makes the mistake of getting older, I begin each day with coffee and obituaries.
• Men and women belong to different species and communications between them is still in its infancy.
• My childhood should have taught me lessons for my own fatherhood, but it didn't because parenting can only be learned by people who have no children.
• Nothing separates the generations more than music. By the time a child is eight or nine, he has developed a passion for his own music that is even stronger than his passions for procrastination and weird clothes.
• Parents are not interested in justice, they're interested in peace and quiet.
• Poets have said that the reason to have children is to give yourself immortality. Immortality? Now that I have five children, my only hope is that they are all out of the house before I die.
• The essence of childhood, of course, is play, which my friends and I did endlessly on streets that we reluctantly shared with traffic.
• The heart of marriage is memories; and if the two of you happen to have the same ones and can savor your reruns, then your marriage is a gift from the gods.
• The main goal of the future is to stop violence. The world is addicted to it.
• The past is a ghost, the future a dream, and all we ever have is now.
• The truth is that parents are not really interrested in justice. They just want quiet.
• When you become senile, you won't know it.