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  CITATER  
  A. A. Milne A. P. Mller Abraham Lincoln Abraham Maslow Adam Smith Adolf Hitler Aksel Sandemose Al Capone Albert Einstein Alec Guinness Alexander Graham Bell Alexander Pope Alexandre Dumas Alfred Hitchkock Alfred Nobel Andy Warhol Anne Morrow Lindbergh Aristoteles Aristoteles Onassis Arthur C. Clarke Arthur Miller Asger Jorn Astrid Lindgren Benjamin Franklin Bertolt Brecht Bill Cosby Bill Gates Bob Hope Brigitte Bardot C. G. Jung C. S. Lewis Charles Darwin Charles De Gaule Charlie Chaplin Dalai Lama Dale Carnegie David Livingstone Dean Martin Dwight D. Eisenhower Ernest Hemmingway Francois De Voltaire Franz Kafka Friedrich Nietzsche George Bernard Shaw George Orwell Groucho Marx H. C. Andersen Homer Simpson Humphrey Bogart Johannes Mllehave Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe John F. Kennedy John Maynard Keynes John Steinbeck Karen Blixen Konfutse Leonardo Da Vinci Ludvig Holberg Mahatma Gandhi Marcus Aurelius Mark Twain Martin Luther King Jr. Marilyn Monroe Mogens Glistrup Muhammad Ali Napoleon Bonaparte Niels Bohr Oscar Wilde Pablo Picasso Platon Ralph Waldo Emerson Robert Louis Stevenson Ronald Reagan Rudyard Kipling Sigmund Freud Sren Kirkegaard Steven Wright Storm P. Thomas Jefferson Victor Borge Victor Hugo Vincent Van Gogh W. C. Fields William Shakespeare Winston Churchill Woody Allen  
CITATER - GROUCHO MARX

 

 

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Danske citater:

  • "Der står en mand udenfor døren med en stor, sort moustache". Sig, jeg allerede har èn
  • "Skraldemanden står udenfor døren". Sig, vi ikke skal have noget i dag.
  • At betale hustrubidrag er som at fodre en død hest.
  • Bag hver en succesrig mand står en kvinde; og bag hende hans kone.
  • Citér mig for, at jeg er fejlciteret.
  • Den, som opfandt sex, vidste virkelig, hvad han gjorde.
  • Der er én måde at finde ud af, om en mand er ærlig. Spørg ham. Svarer han ja, ved du, han er uærlig.
  • Det eneste der kræves for at blive gammel er, at man lever længe nok.
  • Det her kan selv en femårig forstå. så lad os få fat i en!
  • Dette er mine principper. Hvis du ikke kan ælide dem, så har jeg andre.
  • En mand er aldrig ældre end den kvinde, han er sammen med.
  • En ægtefælle, som ønsker et lykkeligt ægteskab, skal lære at holde sin mund lukket og sin tegnebog åben.
  • Enhver der siger, han kan gennemskue en kvinde, går glip af en masse.
  • Enten er han død, eller mit ur er gået i stå. , A Day at the Races
  • Han har en hjerne som en treårig. Faktisk var den treårige glad for at slippe af med den.
  • Han har sit smukke udseende fra sin far. Han er plastikkirurg.
  • Han ser måske ud som en idiot, og han lyder måske som en idiot, men tag ikke fejl af ham - han er et idiot.
  • Hun: Jeg nærmer mig de fyrre. Han: Fra hvilken side?
  • Husk det, I mænd, som kæmper for en kvindes ære. Det er sikkert mere, end hun selv gør.
  • Hustruer er personer, som ikke synes, at de danser nok.
  • Hvad jeg synes om stykket ?? Jeg så det under uheldige omstændigheder. Tæppet var oppe.
  • Hvem som helst kan blive gammel. Det eneste man behøver gøre, er at leve længe nok.
  • Hvis du falder ud af et vindue og brækker begge ben, så skal du ikke komme løbende til mig.
  • Hvis indkomstskat er den pris, vi må betale for at holde regeringen på benene, så er underholdsbidrag den pris, vi må betale for at vælte en kvinde omkuld.
  • Hvis jeg holdt dig tættere imod mig, ville jeg være på den anden side af dig.
  • Hør min lille bly viol, - og jeg mener bly. Ca. 100 kg bly.
  • I morges skød jeg en elefant i pyjamas. Hvordan den havde fået den på, går over min forstand.
  • Ingen er helt ulykkelig, når ens bedste ven dummer sig.
  • Jeg brød mig ikke om stykket, men jeg så det under ugunstige forhold. Tæppet var oppe.
  • Jeg drikker for at gøre folk mere interessante.
  • Jeg finder TV meget lærerigt. Hver gang nogen tænder for apparatet, går jeg ind i et andet værelse og læser en bog.
  • Jeg giftede mig med din mor fordi jeg ville have børn. Forestil dig min skuffelse da du dukkede op.
  • Jeg glemmer aldrig et ansigt. Men i Deres tilfælde vil jeg gøre en undtagelse.
  • Jeg har arbejdet mig op fra ingenting til den yderste fattigdom.
  • Jeg har et mål. Du har et mål. Nu skal vi bare finde et fodboldhold.
  • Jeg har haft en fuldkommen pragtfuld aften - men ikke i aften.
  • Jeg har ikke et fotografi, men du kan få mit fodaftryk. Det er ovenpå i mine sokker.
  • Jeg har været med så længe, at jeg kendte Doris Day, inden hun blev jomfru.
  • Jeg troede, min barbermaskine var sløv, indtil jeg hørte hans tale
  • Jeg ved ikke, hvad slags præsident han ville være blevet, han taler og taler og taler. Han ville være en fantastisk kone.
  • Jeg vil ikke være medlem af en klub, som vil have mig som medlem.
  • Militær retfærdighed er til retfærdighed, hvad militær musik er til musik.
  • Min moder behandler alle lige - med foragt.
  • Nu skal du ikke forplumre sagen ved at trække fakta ind i den.
  • Skål for vores hustruer og kærester: "Måtte de aldrig mødes".
  • Ægteskab er den hyppigste årsag til skilsmisse.
  • Ægteskabet er en vidunderlig institution…men hvem ønsker at bo på en institution?

 

Engelske citater:

  • "Call me a cab!" Groucho replies, "OK, you're a cab".
  • A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
  • A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
  • Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.
  • Although it is generally known, I think it's about time to announce that I was born at a very early age.
  • Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
  • Are you going to believe me, or what you see with your own eyes?
  • Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
  • Blood's not thicker than money. , Double Dynamite
  • Do they allow tipping on the boat? Yes, sir. Then you won't need the ten cents I was going to give you.
  • Do you think I could buy back my introduction to you?
  • Either he's dead or my watch has stopped. , A Day at the Races
  • From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it. , (1895-1977)
    Go, and never darken my towels again.
  • Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet!
  • How do you feel about women's rights ? I like either side of them.
  • I cannot say that I do not disagree with you.
  • I chased a girl for two years only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine: We were both crazy about girls.
  • I didn't like the play. But I saw under unfavorable circumstances -- the curtains were up.
  • I don't have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They're upstairs in my socks.
  • I drink to make people interesting.
  • I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
  • I like my women warm and my champagne cold.
  • I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception. Now there's a man with an open mind - you can feel the breeze from here!
  • I once stole a pornographic book that was printed in braille. I used to rub the dirty parts.
  • I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
  • I worked myself up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
  • I'd never join a club that would allow a person like me to become a member.
  • If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
  • If you fall out of that window and break both your legs, don't come running to me.
  • In a restaurant to a waitress: "Do you have frogs legs or do you always walk like that.…
  • It is better to have loft and lost than to never have loft at all.
  • I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
  • Last night I shot an elephant in my Pajamas and how he got in my pajamas I'll never know.
  • Look, if you don't like my parties, you can leave in a huff. If that's too soon, leave in a minute and a huff. If you can't find that, you can leave in a taxi.
  • Marriage is a wonderful institution...but who wants to live in an institution?
  • Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
  • Military intelligence. Isn't that a contradiction in terms?
  • Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
  • My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one.
  • My mother treated us all equally ... with contempt.
  • No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
  • Oh are you from Wales ?? Do you know a fella named Jonah ?? He used to live in whales for a while.
  • Oh, I know it's a penny here and a penny there, but look at me. I worked myself up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty. , Monkey Business
  • One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife.
  • Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
  • Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
  • Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does.
  • Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it and then misapplying the wrong remedies.
  • Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
  • Remember men you are fighting for the ladies honour, which is probably more than she ever did.
  • Room service? Send up a larger room.
  • She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
  • She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the life of the party.
  • Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.
  • Someone: "I would like to say goodby to your wife". Groucho: "Me too".
  • The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.
  • The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
  • There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of one's fellow man.
  • There is only one way to find out if a man is honest...ask him. If he says 'yes', you know he is crooked.
  • There's one thing I always wanted to do before I quit...retire!
  • This man has the mind of a 4-year old boy -- and I bet he was glad to get rid of it.
  • Those are my principles. If you don't like them, I have others.
  • Time flies like the wind. Fruit flies like a banana.
  • Time wounds all heels.
  • We took pictures of the native girls, but they weren't developed. . . But we're going back next week.
  • Well I thought my razor was dull until I heard his speech.
  • Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?
  • Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
  • Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.
  • Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
  • Women should be obscene and not heard.
  • You've got a goal; I've got a goal. Now all we need is a football team.

 

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