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CITATER - HOMER SIMPSON

 

 

Untitled Document

Danske citater:

  • At forsøge er det første skridt mod fejltagelse.
  • Bart, med $10.000 ville vi være millionærer. Vi kunne købe alt mulig nyttigt - som kærlighed.
  • Den anden dag var jeg så desperat efter en øl, at jeg sneg mig ind på stadion og spiste jorden under tribunerne.
  • Det var ikke mig, der gjorde det. Der var ingen, der så mig gøre det. De kan ikke bevise noget.
  • Dræbe min chef? Tør jeg virkelig udleve den amerikanske drøm?
  • Han er en vampyr? Ahhhhh. , Grampa Simpson
  • Hva' nu hvis vi har valgt den forkerte gud? Hver gang vi går i kirke, gør vi ham bare mere og mere sur.
  • Hvis alt andet slår fejl, så skyd skylden på ham, der ikke taler engelsk.
  • Hvis du virkelig ønsker noget her i livet, må du arbejde for det. Stille, nu kommer lottotallene.
  • Hvis noget går galt på fabrikken, så skyd skylden på den fyr, som ikke kan tale engelsk.
  • Jeg er glad for, at du spurgte, søn. At være populær er det vigtigste i verden.
  • Marge, jeg kommer til at savne dig. Og det er ikke kun pga sex. Det er også din madlavning.
  • Ok, søn. Bare husk at have det sjovt på banen i dag. Og hvis I taber, slår jeg dig ihjel!
  • Sov på arbejdet? - jeg sov ikke, jeg var fuld
  • Spis mig ikke. Jeg har kone og barn. Spis dem.
  • Uanset hvor god du er til noget, så er der altid omkring en million mennesker, der er bedre end du.
  • Vampyrer er ren fantasi - ligesom nisser, alfer og eskimoer.
  • Ved en sportsbegivenhed drejer det sig ikke, om du vinder eller taber, men om hvor fuld du bliver.
  • Wow - kan man få Internettet på computer nu?

 

Engelske citater:

  • [Meeting Aliens] Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them!
  • Ah, beer, my one weakness. My achille's heel, if you will.
  • All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer.
  • Asleep at the switch? I wasn't asleep, I was drunk!
  • At sporting events - it's not whether you win or loose but how drunk you get thats important.
  • Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!
  • Bart: I am through with working. Working is for chumps. Homer: Son, I'm proud of you! I was twice your age when I figured that out.
  • Bart: I think Grampa smells like that trunk in the garage where the bottom's all wet. Lisa: No, I think he smells more like a photo lab. Homer: Stop it, you two! Grampa smells like a normal old man, which is more like a hallway in a hospital.
  • Burns: I suggest you leave immediately Homer: Or what? You'll release the dogs or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouths and when they bark they shoot bees at you?
  • But wait. You can't kill me for being Krusty. I'm not him. I'm Homer Simpson.
  • Can't murder now. Eating.
  • Dear Mr. President, there are too many states these days. Please eliminate three. Sincerely, Abe Simpson. PS: I am not a crackpot. , Grampa Simpson
  • Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true!
  • Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.
  • God bless those pagans.
  • God has no place within these walls, just as facts have no place within organized religion
  • Grandpa: Are we there yet? Homer: No Grandpa: Are we there yet? Homer: No Grandpa: Are we there yet? Homer: No Grandpa: ........Where are we going? Homer: I'll never wiggle my bare butt it public again. Lisa: I'd like to beleive that this time, I really would.
  • Guys are always patting my bald head for luck, pinching my belly to hear my girlish laugh.
  • Herb, this is the stupidest invention I've ever seen. I can't believe we blew $2000 on it, when right now rollers could be kneading my buttocks.
  • Here's to alcohol, the cause of—and solution to—all life's problems.
  • He's a vampire? Ahhhhh. , Grampa Simpson
  • Hey, we didn't have a message on our answering machine when we left. How very odd.
  • Homer: A woman is a lot like a refrigerator. 6 feet tall, 300 pounds ... it makes ice.
  • Homer: Are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon? Lisa: No. Homer: Ham? Lisa: No. Homer: Pork chops? Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal. Homer: Heh heh heh. Ooh, yeah, right, Lisa. A wonderful, magical animal. Homer: Aw, twenty dollars! I wanted a peanut! Homer's Brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts! Homer: Explain how! Homer's Brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services! Homer: Woo-hoo!
  • Homer: Hey boy! Wanna play catch? Bart: No thanks dad. Homer: When a son doesn't want to play catch with his father something is definitely wrong. Grandpa Simpson: I'll play catch with you! Homer: Go home.
  • Homer: Lisa, would you like a donut? Lisa: No thanks. Do you have any fruit? Homer: This has purple in it. Purple is a fruit.
  • Homer: Marge, there's an empty spot I've always had inside me. I tried to fill it with family, religion, community service, but those were dead ends! I think this chair is the answer.
  • Homer: Marge, you being a cop makes you the man! Which makes me the woman - and I have no interest in that, besides occasionally wearing the underwear, which as we discussed, is strictly a comfort thing.
  • Homer: Okay, brain. You don't like me, and I don't like you, but let's get through this thing and then I can continue killing you with beer.
  • Homer's Brain: It's a deal!
  • Homer: Son, I just want you to know I have total faith in you. Bart: Since when? Homer: Since your mother yelled at me.
  • Homer: There's your giraffe, little girl. Ralph Wiggum: I'm a boy. Homer: That's the spirit. Never give up.
  • Homer: Your mother has this crazy idea that gambling is wrong. Even though they say it's okay in the Bible. Lisa: Really? Where? Homer: Eh, somewhere in the back.
  • How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?
  • I can never live the button-down life like you. I want it all-the dizzying highs, the terrifying lows, the creamy middles!
  • I didn't do it! Nobody saw me do it! Can't prove anything! , Bart Simpson
  • I gave my love a chicken, it had no bones. Mmmmm Chicken!
  • I hate the public so much! If only they'd elect me. I'd make 'em pay! Aw, Moe, how do I make 'em like me?
  • I know who Homer Simpson is. Not only that, but you also sold plutonium to the Iraqis... with no mark-up. , Mr. Burns
  • I think the saddest day of my life was when I realized I could beat my Dad at most things, and Bart experienced that at the age of four.
  • I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: Cover for me. Number 2: Oh, good idea, Boss! Number 3: It was like that when I got here.
  • I was on the PT-109 with John F. Kennedy. We were the first to discover his horrible secret. , Grampa Simpson:
  • I won't sleep in the same bed with a woman who thinks I'm lazy! I'm going right downstairs, unfold the couch, unroll the sleeping ba- uh, goodnidght.
  • If something goes wrong at the plant, blame the guy who can't speak English.
  • If The Flintstones has taught us anything, it's that pelicans can be used to mix cement.
  • If you really want something in life you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers.
  • I'm glad you asked, son. Being popular is the most important thing in the world.
  • I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!
  • I'm having the best day of my life, and I owe it all to not going to Church!
  • I'm never going to be disabled. I'm sick of being so healthy.
  • I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman.
  • I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell?
  • I'm not popular enough to be different!
  • It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day.
  • It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day.
  • I've always wondered if there was a god. And now I know there is -- and it's me.
  • Jesus, Allah, Buddah. I love you all!
  • Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand.
  • Kids, if Grandpa starts acting weird, lead him down into the basement.
  • Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
  • Kill my boss?!? Do I dare live out the american dream?
  • Lenny: Hey, Homer? What do I tell the boss?
  • Homer: Tell him I'm going to the back seat of my car with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!
  • Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, it's that girls should stick to girls sports, such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such.
  • Lisa: Do we have any food that wasn't brutally slaughtered? Homer: Well, I think the veal died of loneliness.
  • Lisa: Hello, hospital? This is Lisa Simpson... Hospital Secretary: Simpson? Look, we've already been down there tonight for a sisterectomy, a case of severe butt rot, and a Leprechaun fight. How dumb do you think we are?
  • Manager: Do you like children? Homer: What do you mean, all the time? Even when they're nuts?
  • Marge! Look at all this great stuff I found at the Marina. It was just sitting in some guy's boat!
  • Marge, I'm going to miss you so much. And it's not just the sex. It's also the food preparation.
  • Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen.
  • Marge, old people don't need companionship, they need to be isolated and studied to see what useful nutrients can be obtained from them.
  • Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.
  • Marge: Homer! There's someone here who can help you... Homer: Is it Batman? Marge: No, he's a scientist. Homer: Batman's a scientist?! Marge: It's not Batman!
  • Marge: Homer, I don't want you driving around in a car you built yourself. Homer: You can sit there complaining, or you can knit me some seat belts.
  • Marge: Homer, is this how you pictured married life? Homer: Yeah, pretty much, except we drove around in a van solving mysteries.
  • Marge: This is the worst thing you've ever done. Homer: You say that so often that it lost its meaning.
  • Maybe, just once, someone will call me 'sir' without adding,'you're making a scene'.
  • Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm... unprocessed fish sticks.
  • Mr. Simpson, I don't use the word 'hero' lightly, but you are the greatest hero in American history. , Lionel Hutz
  • Mr. Simpson, this is the most blatant case of fraudulent advertising since my suit against the film 'The Never-Ending Story'. , Lionel Hutz
  • Mr. Simpson, we want you to recreate your every move the night you saw the alien. , Mulder
  • Mr. Simpson, you're smarter than you look, or sound, or our best testing indicates. , Mr. Burns
  • Mrs. Simpson, your sexual harassment suit is exactly what I need to help rebuild my shattered practice. Care to join me in a belt of scotch? , Lionel Hutz
  • My Homer is not a Communist... he may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a Communist... but he is *not* a porn star. , Grampa Simpson
  • Neddy, I've had just about all I can take of Homer Simpson's torso. I'll go get some hot dogs. , Maude Flanders
  • No matter how good you are at something, there's always about a million people better than you.
  • No, you're homely as a mule's butt. , Grampa Simpson
  • No. Homer Simpson does not lie twice on the same form. He never has and he never will.
  • Now son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for Daddys, and kids with fake IDs.
  • Now, Mrs. Simpson, tell the court in your own words what happened after you and your husband were ejected out of the restaurant. , Lionel Hutz
  • Oh no! What have I done? I smashed open my little boy's piggy bank, and for what? A few measly cents, not even enough to buy one beer. Wait a minute, lemme count and make sure... not even close.
  • Oh sure. Even communism works. In theory.
  • Oh, people can come up with statistics to prove anything, Kent. 14% of people know that.
  • Oh, yeah, what are you gonna do? Release the dogs? Or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouth and when they bark, they shoot bees at you?
  • Ok, son. Just remember to have fun out there today, and if you lose, I'LL KILL YOU!
  • Ooh, I love your magazine. Especially the 'Enrich Your Wordpower' section. I think it's really...really... really...good.
  • Operator! Give me the number for 911!
  • Quick, we have to kill the boy. , Grampa Simpson
  • Remember that postcard Grandpa sent us from Florida of that Alligator biting that woman's bottom? That's right, we all thought it was hilarious. But, it turns out we were wrong. That alligator was sexually harrassing that woman.
  • Simpson, I've been reviewing your performance record, and it is appalling. It says here that you caused 17 meltdowns. , Mr. Burns:
  • So our kids keep getting smarter. If we have another one it could build a time machine which we could use to go back in time and not have any kids.
  • Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you'd step over your own mother just to get one! But you can't stop at one. You wanna drink another woman!
  • Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.
  • Son, you're as stupid as a mule and twice as ugly. So if a stranger offers you a ride, I'd say take it. , Grampa Simpson:
  • Stealing! How could you? Haven't you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain whats-his-name?
  • Step aside everyone! Sensitive love letters are my specialty.'Dear Baby, Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: you'.
  • Television: teacher, mother, secret lover!
  • That's it, from now on I'm not looking forward to anything! Oh my god! Tomorrow there's a two for one sale on piano benches. I can't wait, ooh, ooh, ooh!
  • The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a beer bottle, they're on TV.
  • The only monster here is the gambling monster that has enslaved your mother! I call him Gamblor, and it's time to snatch your mother from his neon claws!
  • They say the greatest tragedy is when a father outlives his son. I've never understood why that is; frankly, I can see an upside to it. Ha ha. , Grampa Simpson
  • This year I invested in pumpkins. They've been going up the whole month of October and I got a feeling they're going to peak right around January. Then bang! That's when I'll cash in.
  • To alcohol! The cause of - and solution to - all of life's problems!
  • Trying is the first step toward failure.
  • We live in a society of laws. Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well I didn't hear anybody laughin', did you?
  • Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals ... except the weasel.
  • Welcome home, son. I broke two lamps and lost all your mail. What's wrong with your wife? , Grampa Simpson
  • Well, er, let's just call them, uh, 'Mr. X' and 'Mrs. Y.' So anyway, Mr. X would say, 'Marge, if this doesn't get your motor running, my name isn't Homer J. Simpson.'
  • Well, what do you think, Marge? All I need is a title. I was thinking along the lines of... No TV and no beer make Homer something, something.
  • What about those red balls they have on car aerials so you can spot your car in a park. I think all cars should have them!
  • What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.
  • What, seeex? What's so unappealing about hearing your elderly father talk about sex? I had seeeeex. , Grampa Simpson
  • What's a wedding? Webster's dictionary describes it as the act of removing weeds from one's garden.
  • What's keeping that dress on? , Abe Simpson
  • What's the point of going out, we're just going to end up back here anyway?
  • When I held that gun in my hand, I felt a surge of power ... like God must feel when he's holding a gun.
  • When I look at the smiles on all the children's faces, I just know they're about to jab me with something.
  • When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!
  • Whoooa, that's hot. There isn't a man alive who wouldn't get turned on by that. Well, goodbye!
  • 'Would an American dollar encourage you to leave us alone?' , Homer Simpson
  • You couldn't fool your mother on the foolingest day of your life if you had an electrified fooling machine.
  • You don't like your job, you don't strike. You go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way.
  • You know those balls that they put on car antennas so you can find them in the parking lot? Those should be on EVERY CAR!
  • You know, I thought I was too old. I thought my time had passed. I thought I'd never hear the screams of pain, or see the look of terror in a young man's eyes. Thank heaven for children. , Abe Simpson
  • You know, the one with all the well meaning rules that don't work out in real life, uh, Christianity.
  • You never know when an old calendar might come in handy! Sure, it's not 1985 right now, but who knows what tomorrow will bring?
  • You'd be surprised at what people could do. I never thought I could shoot down a German plane. Last year, I proved myself wrong. , Grampa Simpson

 

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