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CITATER - MARK TWAIN

 

 

Untitled Document

Danske citater:

  • "Vær dig selv" er næsten det dĂĄrligste rĂĄd du kan give til folk.
  • Adam var den eneste mand, som, nĂĄr han fortalte noget godt, vidste, at ingen havde sagt det før ham
  • Af alle Guds skabninger, er der kun en, som ikke kan gøres til slave. Det er katten. Hvis man kunne krydse mennesket med en kat, ville det forbedre mennesket, men forringe katten.
  • Aldrig udsæt til i morgen, hvad du kan udsætte til i overmorgen
  • Alle siger, hvor er det hĂĄrdt, at vi skal dø. En mærkelig beklagelse fra mennesker, som har været nødt til at leve
  • Alt har sin begrænsning - jernmalm kan ikke uddannes til guld
  • Alt hvad du behøver er uvidenhed og selvsikkerhed - og successen er sikker
  • At holde op med at ryge er den letteste sag af verden. Jeg burde vide det, for jeg har gjort det tusindvis af gange
  • At spise er menneskeligt. At fordøje guddommeligt
  • BlomkĂĄl er ikke andet end kĂĄl med en universitetsuddannelse
  • BĂĄde ægteskab og død burde være velkomne. Det ene lover glæde, og det andet sikrer det
  • Civilisationen er en grænseløs multiplikation af unødvendige nødvendigheder
  • Cylindriske beholdere i mellemstørrelsen, hvis indre lagerkapacitet er uudnyttet, mĂĄ med rimelig forventning formodes at besidde væsentlige akustiske kvaliteter. (Tomme tønder buldrer mest)
  • De fleste forfattere anser sandheden for deres mest kostbare eje; derfor er de fleste meget økonomiske med an bruge den
  • Den bedste mĂĄde at opmunre dig selv er ved at opmuntre en anden
  • Den hemmelige kilde til humor er ikke glæde men sorg. Der er ingen humor i Paradis
  • Den menneskelige race har kun Ă©t virkelig effektivt vĂĄben, og det er latteren
  • Der er 2 gange i en mands liv, hvor kan ikke skal spekulere: nĂĄr han har rĂĄd til det og nĂĄr han ikke har
  • Der er ikke noget sĂĄ irriterende som 2 mennesker, der taler, mens du prøver at afbryde
  • Der er intet mere sørgeligt syn end en ung pessimist
  • Der tales sĂĄ meget om de tomme kirker. En dag bliver en af os nødt til at gĂĄ derhen for at se, om det er rigtigt.
  • Det blæk, som historien skrives med, er flydende fordomme
  • Det er bedre at fortjene hæder og ikke fĂĄ det - end at fĂĄ det uden at fortjene det
  • Det er bedre at være en ung mariehøne end en gammel paradisfugl
  • Det er besynderligt, at fysisk mod er sĂĄ almindeligt i verden - og moralsk mod sĂĄ sjælden
  • Det er en fejl, at der ikke findes et bad, som kan kurere dĂĄrlige manerer - men drukning vil hjælpe
  • Det er en skam, at Noah og hans selskab ikke kom for sent til bĂĄden
  • Det er ikke den del af biblen, jeg kan forstĂĄ, som bekymrer mig - det er de dele, jeg kan forstĂĄ
  • Det er ved Guds godhed, at vi i dette land har de 3 utroligt vigtige ting: talefrihed, trosfrihed - og klogskab til aldrig at bruge nogen af dem
  • Det er ædelt at undervise sig selv, men endnu ædlere at undervise andre - og mindre besværligt
  • Det har altid været min regel aldrig at ryge, nĂĄr jeg sover, og aldrig at stoppe rygningen, nĂĄr jeg er vĂĄgen.
  • Det kan sikkert beviser med tal og figurer, at der er ikke nogen anden kriminel klasse i Amerika end kongressen
  • Det passer ikke, at ægtemænd glemmer, at de er gift, nĂĄr de ser en smuk kvinde. Tværtimod bliver de netop særligt smertefuldt mindet derom.
  • Det tager normalt mere end 3 uger at forberede en uforberedt tale
  • Du kan ikke stle pĂĄ dine øjne, hvis din fantasi er ude af fokus
  • Elegance er det væsentligste ved en tale, ikke information
  • En af de fornøjelser, som denne verden tilbyder, er sex. Alligevel har mennesket udeladt det af sin himmel
  • En englænder gør ting, fordi de er gjort før. En amerikaner gør ting, fordi de ikke er gjort før.
  • En klassiker er noget, som alle ønsker at have læst, og ingen ønsker at læse
  • En løgn kan nĂĄ halvejs rundt om jorden, mens sandheden tager sine sko pĂĄ
  • En væsentlig forskel mellem en kat og en løgn er, at katten kun har ni liv.
  • Et af beviserne pĂĄ sjælens udødelighed er, at myriader af mennesker har troet pĂĄ det -- de troede ogsĂĄ, at jorden er flad
  • Et menneske kan ikke trives uden at give sig selv lov.
  • Et visuelt handicappet feminint individ tilhørende en af de domesticerede arter af slægten gallus kan undtagelsesvis excellere i lokaliseringen af diminutive cereal-enheder. (Blind høne kan ogsĂĄ finde korn)
  • Familielivet skaber foragt – og børn.
  • Fiktion mĂĄ nødvendigvis holde sig indenfor det mulige. Sandheden ikke.
  • Fortæl aldrig sandheden til dem, som ikke er værdige til den.
  • Fortæl altid sandheden. PĂĄ den mĂĄde behøver du ikke huske, hvad du har sagt
  • FĂĄ ting er vanskeligere at kapere end irritation over et godt eksempel
  • Giv mig lov til at udforme en nations overtro, sĂĄ er jeg ligeglad med, hvem der laver dets love
  • Golf er en god spadseretur - spoleret
  • Gør altid det rigtig. Det vil glæde nogen og overraske resten
  • Gør det, du frygter mest, og du er sikker pĂĄ at dø af skræk.
  • Gør godt - og du vil være ensom
  • GĂĄ ikke rundt og sig, at verden skylder dig en noget; verden var her før dig
  • Hans uvidenhed dækkede hele verden som et tæppe, og der var næppe et hul noget sted
  • Hellere et brudt løfte end slet intet løfte
  • Himmeriget er efter nĂĄde; hvis det var efter fortjeneste, ville din hund komme ind, og du ville blive ude.
  • Hold dig væk fra folk, der forsøger at trække din ambition nedad. SmĂĄ mennesker gør altid dette, men virkeligt store mennesker fĂĄr dig altid til at føle, at ogsĂĄ du kan blive stor.
  • Hvad ville menneskene være uden kvinder? Sjældne, meget sjældne.
  • Hvis du ikke kan lide vejret, sĂĄ vent 5 minutter - og det vil skifte
  • Hvis du samler en sultende hund op og fodrer den, vil den ikke bide dig. Det er den principielle forskel mellem en hund og et menneske.
  • I Paris stirrede de bare, nĂĄr jeg talte til dem pĂĄ fransk; det lykkedes mig aldrig at fĂĄ de idioter til at forstĂĄ deres eget sprog
  • Iagttagelsen af en enkelt repræsentant for familien Hirundinidæ bør ikke give anledning til spekulationer om varmere ĂĄrstiders umiddelbart forestĂĄende indtræden. (En svale gør ingen sommer)
  • Individer, der er henvist til at residere i transparente domiciler, bør ikke tilrĂĄdes at anvende større eller mindre geologiske fragmenter som kasteskyts. (Man skal ikke kaste med sten nĂĄr man bor i et glashus)
  • Indsaml først kendsgerningerne, sĂĄ kan du bøje dem sĂĄ meget, som du har lyst til
  • Intet i verden kan som en overbevisende tale forvirre begreberne.
  • Intet kan modstĂĄ et angreb med latter
  • Intet trænger mere til en forbedring end andre menneskers vaner
  • Jeg er ikke en af dem, der, nĂĄr de fremsætter en mening, begrænser sig til kendsgerninger
  • Jeg har aldrig lavet andre øvelser end at sove og hvile
  • Jeg har dyb medlidenhed med mennesker, der kun kan stave et ord poĂĄ Ă©n mĂĄde.
  • Jeg har gjort det til en vane aldrig at ryge mere end en cigar ad gangen.
  • Jeg kan godt lide kritik, men det mĂĄ være, som jeg vil have det
  • Jeg kan ikke lade være med at tale, selv med risiko for at være oplysende
  • Jeg tror, at himlens fader opfandt mennesket, fordi han var skuffet med aberne
  • Jeg var glad for, at jeg kunne svare omgĂĄende. Jeg sagde, at jeg ikke vidste det.
  • Jeg ville ønske at bo i Manchester, England. Overgangen fra Manchester til døden ville være umærkelig
  • Jo længere i tiden, vi gĂĄr tilbage, jo bedre var tingene - uanset om de skete eller ej
  • Kendsgerninger er stædige, men statistik er mere bøjelig
  • Koldt! Hvis termometeret havde været 1 tomme længere, var vi alle frosset i hjel
  • Kristendommen vil utvivlsomt overleve pĂĄ jorden ti ĂĄrhundreder endnu - udstoppet og pĂĄ museum.
  • Livet skulle begynde med alderens og den privilegier og erfaringer, og slutte ungdommen og dens muligheder for udnytte disse fordele
  • Livet ville være uendeligt meget lykkeligere, hvis vi blev født firs ĂĄr gamle og langsomt nærmede os atten.
  • Man griber sig af og til i at mene, at det ville have været godt, hvis Noah og hans indbudte var kommet for sent til arken
  • Mange smĂĄ ting er blevet store ved den rette markedsføring
  • Mennesket er det eneste dyr, som rødmer - og har grund til det
  • Mine bøger er vand, bøgerne af de store genier er vin -- alle drikker vand
  • Mod er bekæmpelse af frygt, styring af frygt - ikke fravær af frygt
  • Nogle mennesker fĂĄr en uddannelse uden at gĂĄ pĂĄ universitetet; resten fĂĄr det, efter at de er gĂĄet ud
  • Nogle mennesker giver deres sorger svømmeundervisning, i stedet for at drukne dem.
  • NĂĄr dine venner begynder at smigre dig med, at du ser ung ud, er det et sikkert tegn pĂĄ, at du er ved at blive ældre.
  • NĂĄr du er vred, tæl til 4. NĂĄr du er meget vred, sĂĄ band
  • NĂĄr du opdager, at du befinder dig pĂĄ flertallets side, er det tid at skifte
  • NĂĄr vi husker, at vi er gale, forsvinder mysterierne, og livet stĂĄr klart
  • Opdragelse er de voksnes organiserede forsvar mod ungdommen.
  • Opfyldning af ĂĄbne drikkevandsboringer foretages pĂĄ et ugunstigt tidspunkt nĂĄr et letalt nedfald af yngre individer i borehullet tidligere er indruffet. (Man skal ikke kaste brønden til nĂĄr barnet er faldet i)
  • Principper har ikke nogen virkelig magt, hvis man ikke har det daglige brød
  • Ren ætylalkohol har en behagelig, æterisk odeur og er farveløs. Den koger ved 78,3 grader Fahrenheit. Tag for eksempel hunde - Ingen hund har sĂĄdanne beundringsværdige egenskaber - bortset mĂĄske fra manglen pĂĄ farve.
  • Sandheden er mere fremmed end fiktionen
  • Skil dig ikke af med dine illusioner. Du vil mĂĄske stadig eksistere, nĂĄr de er borte, men du er ophørt med at leve
  • Skriv gratis, indtil en eller anden tilbyder dig betaling. Hvis ingen gør det i løbet af 3 ĂĄr, sĂĄ er det meningen med dig, at du skal være skovhugger
  • Sorgen er sig selv nok, men for at fĂĄ det fulde udbytte af glæden mĂĄ man have en at dele den med.
  • Uddannelse bestĂĄr især af det, som vi har aflært
  • Under visse omstændigheder giver bandeord en befrielse som bønner ikke evner.
  • Venskab kan holde et helt liv, bare man ikke beder om at lĂĄne penge.
  • Vi bør være dybt taknemlige for Adam, menneskehedens store velgører: han bragte døden ind i verden
  • Vi lader os ikke kue af modgang - af andres, mener jeg
  • Vær forsigtig med at læse lægebøger - du kunne dø af en trykfejl
  • Wagners musik er bedre end den lyder.
  • Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?

 

Engelske citater:

  • "Be Yourself" is about the worst advice you can give to people
  • A classic is something that everyone wants to have read and nobody wants to read.
  • A good memory and a tongue tied in the middle is a combination which gives immortality to conversation.
  • A house without a cat, and a well-fed, well-petted, and properly revered cat, may be a perfect house, perhaps, but how can it prove its title?
  • A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is still putting on its shoes
  • A man accustomed to American food and American domestic cookery would not starve to death suddenly in Europe, but I think he would gradually waste away, and eventually die.
  • About Wagner: "A composer whose music is better than it sounds."
  • Adam and Eve had many advantages, but the principal one was that they escaped teething.
  • Adam was the only man who, when he said a good thing, knew that nobody had said it before him
  • Against the assault of laughter, nothing can stand
  • Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter
  • All say, how hard it is that we have to die -- a strange complaint to come from the mouths of people who have had to live.
  • All schools, all colleges have two great functions: to confer, and to conceal valuable knowledge
  • All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence - and then success is sure.
  • Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest
  • Always tell the truth. That way, you don't have to remember what you said.
  • An Englishman is a person who does things because they have been done before. An American is a person who does things because they haven't been done before
  • Be careful of reading health books, you might die of a misprint" , (1835-1910)
  • Be good and you will be lonesome
  • Better a broken promise than none at all
  • Both marriage and death ought to be welcome: The one promises happiness, doubtless the other assures it
  • Cauliflower is nothing but Cabbage with a College Education
  • Civilization is a limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessities
  • Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
  • Cold! If the thermometer had been an inch longer we'd all have frozen to death!
  • Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear
  • Do the thing you fear most and the death of fear is certain
  • Don't go around saying the world owes you a living; the world owes you nothing; it was here first
  • Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist, but you have ceased to live
  • Education consists mainly in what we have unlearned
  • Eloquence is the essential thing in a speech, not information
  • Everybody is talking about the weather but nobody does anything about it.
  • Everything has its limit--iron ore cannot be educated into gold.
  • Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow.
  • Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable.
  • Faith is believing what you know ain't so.
  • Familiarity breeds contempt - and children.
  • Few sinners are saved after the first twenty minutes of a sermon.
  • Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.
  • Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn't.
  • Figures don't lie, liars figure
  • Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please
  • Go and surprise the whole country by doing something right
  • Golf is a good walk spoiled.
  • Good breeding consists of concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person
  • Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.
  • Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of joy you must have somebody to divide it with.
  • Habit is habit and not to be flung out the window by any man but coaxed down-stairs a step at a time
  • He was a solemn, unsmiling, sanctimonious old iceberg who looked like he was waiting for a vacancy in the Trinity.
  • He was useless above the ground. He ought to have been underneath it, inspiring the cabbages
  • His ignorance covered the whole earth like a blanket, and there was hardly a hole in it anywhere
  • Honesty is the best policy -- when there is money in it.
  • Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away, and a sunny spirit takes their place.
  • Humor must not professedly teach and it must not professedly preach, but it must do both if it would live forever.
  • I am not one of those who in expressing opinions confine themselves to facts
  • I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position.
  • I am prepared to meet anyone, but whether anyone is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
  • I believe that our Heavenly Father invented man because he was dissapointed in the monkey.
  • I cannot keep from talking, even at the risk of being instructive
  • I could have become a soldier if I had waited; I knew more about retreating than the man who invented retreating
  • I find that the further I go back, the better things were, whether they happened or not.
  • I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
  • I have never taken any exercise except sleeping and resting.
  • I like criticism, but it must be my way.
  • I would like to live in Manchester, England. The transition between Manchester and death would be unnoticeable.
  • If you don't like the weather in New England, wait five minutes; it will change.
  • If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
  • If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.
  • In Paris they simply stared when I spoke to them in French; I never did succeed in making those idiots understand their language.
  • Irreverence is the champion of liberty and its one sure defense
  • It ain't those parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand.
  • It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly American criminal class except Congress
  • It is a free press...There are laws to protect the freedom of the press's speech, but none that are worth anything to protect the people from the press.
  • It is a mistake that there is no bath that will cure people's manners, but drowning would help
  • It is better to be a young June-bug than an old bird of paradise
  • It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not to deserve them.
  • It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either.
  • It is curious--curious that physical courage should be so common in the world, and moral courage so rare.
  • It is easier to stay out than to get out
  • It is noble to teach oneself, but still nobler to teach others--and less trouble
  • It is the difference of opinion that makes horse races
  • It seems such a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat.
  • It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.
  • It was wonderful to find America, put perhaps it would have been more wonderful to miss it.
  • It were not best that we should all think alike; it is the difference of opinion that makes horse races
  • It´s easy to make money on Wall Street. All you have to do is - buy when the price is low. Then, as soon as it goes up, sell and take your profit.
  • I've come loaded with statistics, for I've noticed that a man can't prove anything without statistics
  • Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great
  • Language is a city to the building of which every human being brought a stone.
  • Last week I stated that this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister and now wish to withdraw that statement.
  • Let me make the superstitions of a nation and I care not who makes its laws or its songs either
  • Let us be thankful for fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed
  • Let us endeavor so to live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry
  • Life should begin with age and its privileges and accumulations, and end with youth and its capacity to splendidly enjoy such advantages.
  • Love seems the swiftest, but it is the slowest of growths. No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century
  • Loyalty to petrified opinion never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul.
  • Man is the only animal that blushes -- or needs to.
  • Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising
  • Michael, denial ain't just a river in Egypt.
  • Most people are bothered by those passages of Scripture they do not understand, but the passages that bother me are those I do understand.
  • Most writers regard the truth as their most valuable possession, and therefore are most economical in its use.
  • My books are water; those of the great geniuses are wine--everybody drinks water
  • My mother had a slender, small body, but a large heart - a heart so large that everybody's joys found welcome in it, and hospitable accommodation.
  • Never put off until tomorrow what can be put off until the day after.
  • Never tell the truth to those unworthy of it.
  • Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she has laid an asteroid.
  • Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits
  • Of all God's creatures there is only one that cannot be made the slave of the lash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve man, but it would deteriorate the cat.
  • Of the delights of this world man cares most for sexual intercourse, yet he has left it out of his heaven.
  • Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat
  • One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives.
  • One of the proofs of the immortality of the soul is that myriads have believed it--they also believed the world was flat
  • Only presidents, editors and people with tapeworm have the right to use the editorial 'we.'
  • Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed
  • Providence protects children and idiots. I know because I have tested it.
  • Quitting smoking is easy, I've done it hundreds of times
  • Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself
  • Religion consists of a set of things which the average man thinks he believes and wishes he was certain
  • Sacred cows make the best hamburgers
  • Some people get an eduction without going to college; the rest get it after they get out
  • Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on or by imbeciles who really mean it.
  • The best way to cheer yourself is to try to cheer someone else up.
  • The church is always trying to get other people to reform; it might not be a bad idea to reform itself
  • The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug.
  • The fact that man knows right from wrong proves his intellectual superiority to other creatures; but the fact that he can do wrong proves his moral inferiority to any creature that cannot
  • The holy passion of friendship is so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring in nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money.
  • The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter
  • The main difference between a cat and a lie is that a cat only has nine lives.
  • The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them , (1835-1910)
  • The secret source of humour itself is not joy, but sorrow. There is no humour in heaven
  • The trouble isn't that there are too many fools, but that the lightning isn't distributed right
  • The very ink with which history is written is merely fluid prejudice
  • There ain't no way to find out why a snorer can't hear himself snore.
  • There are two times in a man's life when he should not speculate: when he can't afford it, and when he can
  • There is no distinctly native American criminal class except Congress
  • There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist
  • There is no such thing as the Queen's English. The property has gone into the hands of a joint stock company and we own the bulk of the shares!
  • There is nothing so annoying as to have two people talking when you're busy interrupting.
  • There is something fascinating about science. One gets such wholesale returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact.
  • They spell it Vinci and pronounce it Vinchy; foreigners always spell better than they pronounce.
  • Thousands of geniuses live and die undiscovered - either by themselves or by others.
  • To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did, I ought to know because I've done it a thousand times
  • To eat is human, To digest divine.
  • Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Truth isn't
  • We are discreet sheep; we wait to see how the drove is going, and then go with the drove.
  • We consider that any man who can fiddle all through one of those Virginia Reels without losing his grip, may be depended upon in any kind of musical emergency.
  • We owe a deep debt of gratitude to Adam, the first great benefactor of the human race: he brought death into the world
  • What a good thing Adam had - when he said a good thing he knew nobody had said it before
  • What counts is not necessarily the size of the dog in the fight, what counts is the size of the fight in the dog
  • When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
  • When in doubt, tell the truth.
  • When one has tasted watermelon he knows what the angels eat
  • When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
  • When you cannot get a compliment any other way, pay yourself one.
  • Whenever the literary German dives into a sentence, that is the last you are going to see of him until he emerges on the other side of the Atlantic with his verb in his mouth.
  • Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform
  • Whenever you find you are on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect
  • Why shoudn't truth be stranger than fiction? Fiction, after all, has to stick to the possibilities
  • Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been
  • Write without pay until somebody offers to pay you. If nobody offers within three years, sawing wood is what you were intended for.
  • You can tell German wine from vinegar by the label.
  • You can't depend on your eyes if your imagination is out of focus

 

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